Suction Cup Man VS Toaster Dude [Piemations VS Soaporsalad]
Suction Cup Man, the bane of every business man's existence.
Toaster Dude, Porledraun's deadpan, yet (b)ready for action superhero.
With everyday objects fulfilling our everyday needs, it's no wonder some of us have grown to love them. But some people love certain objects enough to make them a part of their everyday lives. And when these two make a name for themselves with their respective objects, gaining the respect (or hatred) of special forces. They're easily some of the best superheroes the world has ever seen.
Only one can come out on top in this untitled battle. Will Suction Cup Man climb his way to victory? Or will Toaster Dude manage to crumble his opponent?
Before I Start...
Due to the small media list of both, and set in stone canons, both will be using everything they have. I... really have nothing to say here.
uh, i guess minor nsfw warning since one of scm's weapons is kinda weird and some adult shit is mentioned in his backstory, but its not that graphic or heavily detailed so we're chill.
Background
Suction Cup Man
"Fuck you! I'm climbing your tower with suction cups!"
On a faithful day, one business man was roaming the halls of his building, but he was quick to hear sounds. Sounds of suction cups. To his surprise, someone was climbing his tower with suction cups, the one and only Suction Cup Man!
Suction Cup Man lives near a farm in a small hut. Not much is known about his early life, but what we do know; is that he loves suction cups. And more importantly, climbing with them. While he was initially just a nuisance to Guy Business. So much so he broke every bone in his body trying to compete with Suction Cup Man in climbing with objects. Suction Cup Man had his climbing skill noticed by the government, and hired him to disable a nuke in North Korea. Which he did for a free permit to climb anywhere, and of course, he paid Guy Business a visit in the hospital!
After Guy made a recovery, Suction Cup Man made his grand return, but Guy was ready. Armed with a water gun filled with piss a new product his cleaning company made, Suction Cup Man was removed from the building and drifting towards the highway. Though due to his arrogance, he was swiftly killed in a car crash, and sent to Hell... though he came right back out from where he came. Yes, he climbed out of Hell itself.
Guy Business, finally done with Suction Cup Man's antics. Sued Suction Cup Man and removed his rights to owning climbing grade suction cups. Many attempts to climb through other objects later, and Suction Cup Man was pretty much at his worst. Though after some words with a receptionist at a... toy store. And Suction Cup Man was back in action; as Penis Man! Guy Business, ready to shut him down again and increase the ban to ALL suction cups. Was quick to be debunked by Suction Cup Man himself, claiming that without any suction cups, no one could realistically function.
So they came to a compromise; Suction Cup Man was allowed to climb Guy's tower. But ONLY on weekends. And with all that said and done, he was once again Suction Cup Man. LOOK AT HIM GO!
Toaster Dude
"aw heck yeah."
Porledraun, the city of dreams. Where celebrities are born, geniuses thrive, and the rich make their fortune. Everyone there has some dream they want to achieve. Including one individual, who's sole dream is... to own a toaster.
Dude (yes thats his actual name) is a simple man living in an everyday apartment, working a normal job at a small convenience store. But one day, for the small price of $9.99, he gained his dream appliance. Everything was good... until he sees some guys kidnapping his neighbor, famous pop star Annabelle Rivers. Despite that, Dude continues on with his day, but soon realizes the same people not only robbed everyone in the apartment complex. But stole Dude's toaster.
As one naturally does, Dude hunts down the building and pulls a John Wick on the people of Bad Guys Inc, and saves Annabelle, though, assuming she'll see him as a murderer. Dude grabs a nearby curtain and his toaster, now with bullet holes. And dawns a new persona; Toaster Dude. A while later, Dude comes across a friend from elementary school, Jimmy Peterson, they originally met when Dude saved him from some bullies, though not after they asked Dude for his lunch, a single piece of bread. Jim offers to fix Dude's toaster using his technology knowledge. But turns out, it's a trap! As Dude is kidnapped by Bad Guys Inc. workers and taken away.
Despite Jim being praised by his boss for pulling it off, he still was constantly shit on by his fellow workers. Because of this harassment, he decided to rebel and save Dude, finding him, Jim defeats the boss of Bad Guys Inc. with an old invention, blowing up the building. Seeing the explosion from above a mountain range, none other than the army shows up. With the captain recruiting Jim as a technician. And after all this time Dude finally gets his toaster fixed! Heck, they can even celebrate by going to Annabelle's new concert!...
...until Dave, a worker of Bad Guys Inc, traps Annabelle in a oven robot and hijacks the concert. Leaving Dude to have to save the day once again. Unfortunately for Dude's normal life, he now has to live with selling merch of himself, and people knowing his secret identity. Heading home from a shift at work, Dude sees a message on his floor, complete with an address. With Jim and Annabelle, he heads over to find PJ, a wannabe superhero who wants to take over Dude's role of hero. With Dude just wanting to live a normal life, is perfectly on board with this. And so the four decide stage a robot fight... which doesn't go too well for PJ, forcing Dude to have to save him.
Unfortunately for Dude, one of his neighbors shows up to Bad Guys Inc. with footage of Dude's real face. As a result, everyone in Porledraun knows who Dude is, and reporters swarm his apartment. With his life pretty much ruined, Dude decides to leave with his toaster. Camping out in PJ's backyard. The boss of Bad Guys Inc, who's in a giant mech, is demanding that Dude comes out to fight him. Unfortunately, Jim is unable to contact Dude, leaving him to have to take his place. With some motivation from PJ, though, Dude is able to get back on his feet and fight the mech alongside the military. Putting Bad Guys Inc. to rest. With no more distractions to the life he wants, Dude moves into a new apartment, which is in the place of the destroyed Bad Guys Inc. lair.
Intelligence and Skill
Suction Cup Man
Suction Cup Man may not be much of a physical fighter, but he's quite skilled in the art of climbing, whether that be with suction cups or other objects. Being able to scale buildings, missiles, and Hell itself. Suction Cup Man is also quite crafty. Being able to use objects for unintended purposes. Mainly for climbing, though.
Toaster Dude
Dude's looks may not scream "fighter" to most. But since elementary school, Dude has been shown capable of stomping people. Starting with bullies twice his size. Now an adult, Dude's fighting skills are shown off further, as he's capable of easily defeating workers of Bad Guys Inc. Dude has also fought quite a few robots in his short lived hero life. Whether that be from Bad Guys Inc, or a robot made by Jim to initially let Dude fake his defeat to no longer play the hero of his town.
Equipment
Suction Cup Man
Suction Cups
Suction Cup Man's pride and joy, and his primary tool for climbing.
Instruments
A harmonica and a guitar, what a talented man.
Grappling Rope
Not ideal for scaling tall buildings, likely a solid throwing weapon though.
Ladder
It doesn't work well on tall buildings either.
Vacuum Cleaner
It works... but the cord is too short to gain any meaningful height.
Duct Tape
Don't even try to climb with this, I promise it won't work.
Glue
Good if you wanna stick yourself to a wall, but not if you wanna climb it. Suction Cup Man literally tore off the skin on his hand because of this stuff.
Bandages
Safety first, kids!
Climbing Axes
Now these could be an actual weapon. Suction Cup Man even destroys a window with them!
Cocks
yeah lets... lets not talk about these. they work identical to the suction cups Suction Cup Man used to use... somehow.
Toaster Dude
Toasty
Dude's pride and joy, an average toaster on the surface, though through the power of Jim's science. It's been given some unique attributes. Not only can the cord extend to over 1000 feet, allowing for it to function as a grappling hook of sorts. But it contains a pocket dimension where bread stays until the lever is pressed down, after that, slices are taken to a desert to heat up. Before popping out.
The toast itself is absurdly strong, being able to make a crack in Dude's apartment wall, slice the tubes that stabilized a giant robot, and make a hole in a robot's cooling fan. Dude can also weaponize the heating function of the toaster, using it to heat things that fall in the holes
Cape
As any good hero should, Dude wears a cape, usually it's just a curtain, but the fabric
Porledraun uses must be expensive, as it can block buzzsaw attacks from Jim's blender robot
Bat
He never used it, and we don't know where he got it. But he had it.
Instant Hair Dryer
An invention made by Jim, it's a hair dryer that sprays flames hot enough to break the arms of a poorly made robot.
Xtra Tough Window Cleaner
Another invention by Jim. Dude used it to melt the casing of a robot to get to the inside of it.
Powers and Abilities
Suction Cup Man
Immortality
When Suction Cup Man dies, he goes to Hell through a portal, while most would just accept their fate and eternal punishment, Suction Cup Man decides to break the rules of death and just. Climb a wall and jump into the portal, returning to the mortal realm. This would hypothetically mean Suction Cup Man can return to the fight as many times as he wants so long as his body is in tact.
Teleportation?
how else would he have showed up here. could be stealth mastery but spec showed this to me and said it was teleportation which he was probably joking but i dont care
Toaster Dude
dude has no powers
Feats
Suction Cup Man
Overall
- Has climbed buildings, a nuke, and Hell itself
- Climbed into space without protection
- Was climber of the year... except he wasn't.
- Received a pardon from former president Donald J. Trump
- Thwarted the plans of Kim Jong Un
Power
- Ripped off a metal panel
- Tore out some of a nuke's wiring
- Destroyed a glass window with climbing axes (Seen above)
Speed
- Jumped to a ceiling in a short timeframe (Seen above, 41.67 m/s)
- Climbed to space in a short timeframe (847.46 m/s)
Durability
Toaster Dude
Overall
- Fulfilled his lifelong dream of owning a toaster
- Became the hero of Porledraun
- Saved Annabelle and his toaster from Bad Guys Inc.
- Defeated the boss of Bad Guys Inc once and for all
Power
- Punched Dave hard enough to crack a wall (Seen above)
- thats all sorry
Speed
- Punched Dave hard enough to crack a wall (Seen above)
- thats all sorry
- Dodges blasts from Bad Guys Inc's oven robot (Seen above)
- Possibly moved in tandem with pistol fire (243.84 - 457.2 m/s, see Before the Verdict)
- Dodges an attack from Jim's blender robot
Durability
Scaling
Suction Cup Man
Suction Cup Man sadly has no one to scale to.
Toaster Dude
Jim
Jimmy Peterson, Dude's friend since elementary school and inventor extraordinaire. While Dude has never harmed Jim, the two should be on par with each other due to Jim also tanking Bad Guys Inc. explosion. Jim has also doubted his capabilities when he had to take the place of Dude. With this, Dude should scale to the following:
Weaknesses
Suction Cup Man
Starting with one mentioned earlier, Suction Cup Man has little to no experience in an actual fight. Meaning it's uncertain that he'd be fit for direct confrontation, as he's mostly dealt with conflict from a distance, and by just annoying people while making his escape.
Suction Cup Man is also heavily reliant on his suction cups. To the point where you could say he's obsessed with them. After having them taken away, and failing to find an alternative. He was quick to go into a depressive episode.
Toaster Dude
Dude, despite having the skills, isn't really interested in fighting, only seeming to do so when motivated. Whether that be for the safety of people he cares for or his toaster. Dude can also be somewhat unaware of his surroundings, and is seemingly easy to manipulate when his toaster is involved in said manipulation.
Before The Verdict
Mike and Zach Scaling
For those unaware, Mike and Zach is another animated series created by Piemations, on the surface, you may think why one would even consider scaling Suction Cup Man to the feats in this series. But it turns out, Guy Business, as well as a woman with the same name as the cashier from SCM 4, show up in Mike and Zach. Which could lead to potential arguments for scaling.
However, neither of the two characters mentioned physically harm Mike, Zach, or anyone else. Even if they did, they haven't even harmed Suction Cup Man. So unfortunately Suction Cup Man can't get this scaling. There's also the fact that these are realistically just small cameos and don't hint to any actual shared universe stuff.
Toaster Dude Bullet Timing
Dude's very first speed feat in the comic. In episode 5, Dude is seen blocking bullets with his toaster. This feat is a bit weird, as it's unknown if these bullets were aim dodged. However, there's no real reason the Bad Guys Inc. worker would hesitate to shoot an intruder like Dude. So an argument could be made that Dude can scale to the speed of the bullet.
Verdict
Stats
Starting with strength and durability. Both only really have notable durability feats. Suction Cup Man has survived multiple falls from varying heights. With his highest coming out to 54.1 Kilojoules. However, the weaker of Dude's calculated feats comes from him tanking a building destroying explosion with no visible damage. Which was calculated to be 21.77 Tons of TNT. A 1683653.97412x gap, Dude's higher end via scaling to Jim gets 32.5 Tons of TNT, which would make it an even bigger gap of 2513493.5305x. Dude should scale to both in strength, as he can harm the boss of Bad Guys Inc. who tanked the former, and Jim himself believing his capabilities are worse than Dude's.
As for speed, Suction Cup Man has two notable feats. The low end is 41.67 m/s, and the higher end is 847.46 m/s, Dude isn't so lucky though. He has a couple vaguely superhuman feats. But nothing that can have numbers applied. Though he does have his feat of moving alongside pistol fire, which should reach from 243.84 m/s to 457.2 m/s. Using the low end, Suction Cup Man has a 3.475475722x speed edge. With Dude's high end, that gap is reduced to 1.853587052x, but it's still in Suction Cup Man's favor.
Overall, both take a category. But Dude's overwhelming advantage in power is enough for him to take this category.
Abilities and Arsenal
Arsenal first and foremost, both have a decent array of items to use. Suction Cup Man has various methods of climbing, and some potential weapons like climbing axes and a grappling hook. Dude has a way smaller arsenal, but it's incredibly powerful. Notably Jim's inventions, which, while not made as weapons. Are shown to work wonders as them. And his toaster's ability to pop out toast strong enough to crack walls would be more than enough to severely harm Suction Cup Man. Comparing their methods of transportation, Suction Cup Man's... suction cups. Are way more limited compared to Dude's toaster. As he'd not only need to stick them to a climbable surface, but move them. While Dude just needs to throw the toaster's cord out. Even Suction Cup Man's weird debatable teleportation won't be enough to keep up mobility-wise.
But let's talk about what everyone wants to hear about. Suction Cup Man's immortality. Whenever Dude kills Suction Cup Man, the latter would end up in Hell, to which he could easily climb out through a portal. This would make Suction Cup Man impossible to kill. And with Dude's lack of options like BFR. He'd be unable to take him out of the fight through other means. Though there are some implications that could result in Suction Cup Man being, at best out of commission long enough to have this be a Dude win. And at worst unable to come back at all.
In Suction Cup Man 3, Hell is explicitly owned by Satan, with him stating it's his realm. As a result, there shouldn't be anything stopping him from removing the portal, moving it out of Suction Cup Man's reach, or just restraining Suction Cup Man himself. Which would be more than possible given his larger size. As for Dude potentially putting Suction Cup Man down himself. It's implied that Suction Cup Man's body needs to be in one piece for him to come back. Due to the AP edge, Dude could easily put Suction Cup Man in a poor state with a single hit. The Extreme Hair Dryer and Xtra Tough Window Cleaner would also give Suction Cup Man injuries that he potentially couldn't come back from.
With all this said. While Suction Cup Man's immortality would prove an issue at first, the many things going against it, as well as Dude's far more potent arsenal. Makes this category go to Dude.
Other Factors
This category's incredibly simple. Suction Cup Man, while a very tenacious and skilled climber. Has no real skill in a proper fight. Or any notable intelligence feats. Dude, however, has quite a bit of experience fighting. Being able to easily beat several workers of Bad Guys Inc. as well as a couple large robots. Though like his opponent, he doesn't have anything notable in the form of "book smart" intelligence. Suction Cup Man's relatively loud and banter-heavy demeanor would also be a massive detriment. Potentially leaving him open for a hit, which given the strength difference, isn't something he could take.
Conclusion
Suction Cup Man
Advantages:
- Faster, regardless of the end used for Dude
- Immortality makes him impossible to kill...
- Wider arsenal...
- Outerversal Suction Cup Man (he took hits from piemations ggs)
- Literally only climbs for the bit
- LOOK AT HIM GO!!!
Disadvantages:
- Far weaker
- No combat experience
- ...though there are some things that could stop him from coming back
- ...But it's less combat-viable
- Dan victim ngl
- The cops got him :(
Toaster Dude
(this isnt a song but i love this edit)
Advantages:
- Immensely stronger
- Has combat experience
- More potent arsenal that could make it impossible for Suction Cup Man to come back
- More mobile with his object of choice
- He's literally just me
Disadvantages:
- Slower, regardless of the end you use for him
- Only has one life compared to his opponent's hypothetical infinite lives
- No one knows what a Toaster Dude is
- the webtoon daily pass system sucks why does toaster dude use it
- gets r>f scaled by my goat adam
While Suction Cup Man held a solid edge in speed, and his immortality could be impossible to bypass. Toaster Dude's far greater strength edge, fighting experience, and deadlier arsenal would leave everyone's favorite suction cup superhero toast.
...i can't believe i just said that.
THE WINNER IS TOASTER DUDE
...so that's the blog! I'd like to give a massive shoutout to Spectral, he's the one that not only introduced me to this matchup, but introduced me to Toaster Dude, and hey look where that got us! Thank you all for reading!
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